New Ink

Wednesday, March 9, 2011 ~ 2 comments so far

Looking around for ideas for a new tattoo, I was struck with, given my personal circumstances, that 2011 would be a ‘new’ year, a year of change, growth, reinvention and all that deep thoughtful stuff I’m prone to spend a little too long pondering. Then I spotted this tattoo, which I really liked for the simplicity and because it’s a little bit different.

Off I popped to Custom Inc, where I showed Ema the photo, and asked for something similarly but maybe in a Japanese brushstroke style, something a bit softer and more organic feeling.

The design she came up with I accepted without change.

It’s bloody lovely, and some very fine work. As I said to her when it was finished, “it’s awesome!”

But what does it all mean? Well it’s part Ouroboros which “often represents self-reflexivity or cyclicality, especially in the sense of something constantly re-creating itself, the eternal return, and other things perceived as cycles that begin anew as soon as they end”, part Yggdrasil which in Norse mythology is the “world tree” and can be said to represent as a colossal tree which supports the heavens, thereby connecting the heavens, the earth, and, through its roots, the underground, and finally, and this is the part of the design that Ema came up with, the geometric shapes echo the Flower of Life (sacred geometry) which is a visual expression of the connections life weaves through all sentient beings.

And to me it means all that and more. Plus, it’s fuckin gorgeous.

On not writing

Thursday, February 10, 2011 ~ 1 comment so far

Typically, when I’ve a lot going on I’ll try and find some time to write things down. I find it hugely effective at understanding what I’m thinking, what emotions I’m going through and what I need to do next.

With everything that has happened to my Mum these past few weeks, I’ve been slowly jotting down notes and thoughts, with the aim of posting something here. But the longer it lies there, unposted, the less likely I think it is that I will post it.

When Mum had the first ‘attack’, I sat with her as she recovered. It was a horrible, horrible time, not knowing what was going on, being scared for her, of losing her, and a thousand other emotions that were flooding my every thought. It is a very personal thing and, I realise now, far more personal than I’d want to share on here (anymore).

I will say this though. Facebook rocks*.

I took the idea from a friend of ours who was rushed into hospital with a brain tumour. She’s recovered now but her husband kept us all up-to-date via Facebook. I’ve been doing the same with updates from my Mum.

You have no idea how much heart we have taken from your comments, and “Likes”. My Mum doesn’t know many of you, but your generosity and all round loveliness has really helped. Thank you.

* but it’s still mostly gash…

On not worrying

Tuesday, January 18, 2011 ~ 7 comments so far

I’m not the best qualified person to write about this but when has that ever stopped me.

A few weeks back, as we rolled towards the new year, I started to ponder resolutions. It’s something I think of every new year, even if I don’t publically state them. There seems to be something about the ‘new’ part of the new year which allows for a clean slate, new beginnings and all that.

As ever most of my resolutions focus on being better, rather than worse*, at things in my life that I could control. Read more, exericse more, etc etc. Nothing revolutionary or notable there.

It seems, however, that I have subconsciously been taking another tack. Whilst I’ve been joining gyms and buying books, my brain has been busy churning away in the background and has, a few weeks late, that my new year resolution will be to avoid negativity wherever I can.

I’m not quite sure what that means in any specific detail but the facts remain that I find myself shying away from people who moan and gripe for no good reason, letting things go when all they will do is wind me up, and trying to improve my outlook in general.

The glass is half full.

I’m not always successful, and occasionally I think I’m dismissing some things that I should be tackling but I’m presuming my brain knows what it is doing (heaven knows I’ve no idea what I’m doing. Does anyone? REALLY?).

In the midst of this, as most of you know, my Mum was rushed to hospital and almost 9 days later she is still there (slowly improving).

So, whilst it’s a cliche I don’t really care because it’s true, but there is always someone worse off than you. In the grand scheme of things, the irks and bugbears we (yes I’m still doing my share of moaning, I didn’t say I’d cracked this yet!) continue to bleat and harp on about are but blips. We are only here for a short while, and I’m determined to make the most of it.

So, you. Yeah, you. Stop moaning about how “the world” is out to get you, about how everyone else has it better, because it’s not changing anything. Only YOU can change YOU and, until you do, I’ll be over here, smilingly ignoring you.

I’m aware this is all a bit obvious and self-serving, and that certain events during life will spark the same thoughts in others but it felt like something I had to write.

* Does anyone ever resolve to be worse at something?

What I don’t write about

Wednesday, December 29, 2010 ~ 1 comment so far

Every now and then I get a notion to write about something that irks me, a point of view or statement made by someone else that doesn’t sit quite right with me.

I’ll fire up notepad, create a new blank file, and start typing in an effort to coral both my thoughts and the random words spewing from my head. Inevitably I give up.

Why? Because so much of what I read these days is so badly informed that arguing against it is pointless, or is written by someone who won’t even consider the fact that they might not be 100% on the money, or seems to be written using statements that other people take to be absolutes.

It’s the “absolutes” that really annoy me.

Taking a statement with the presumption that it is complete and full encapsulation of an opinion is very short-sighted, and the usual follow on from that is to presume that you are also in complete opposition with the differing point of view.

So “I like the colour blue” suddenly becomes “I like every colour that is a possible shade of blue” and is extrapolated into “therefore you must hate red”.

So I don’t write those types of things anymore. Not that I wrote all that many of them in the first place but in my continuing quest to avoid negativity wherever I can, I choose not to write about that stuff.

I choose not to write about a lot of other stuff too but that’s for entirely different reasons.

Random thought of the day

Tuesday, November 16, 2010 ~ 5 comments so far

I was at the Skunk Anansie gig last night and there were a lot of tattoos on display. A lot of them on women including one full lower arm piece. It got me thinking.

To have a large piece of ink on display, pretty much all the time, takes an attitude and lifestyle but which came first?

Was the “I don’t care what anyone thinks” attitude always there? Or was the tattoo part of gaining that attitude? Doubtless it was somewhere in-between but is there something there about being able to develop a mindset that maybe is sometimes hidden? A way of making a bold decision to make (force?) a change in your personality?

I think that it can take big events for some people to re-focus on themselves and take a step closer to who they want to be, and whilst it wasn’t the original reason behind my first tattoo, it’s certainly a lot closer tied to my thinking this time around.

Or maybe I’m just too old to care anymore.

Don’t answer that.

First World Problems

Tuesday, October 19, 2010 ~ 2 comments so far

I’ve been in my flat for just over a week now, I’ve unpacked as much as I can until I purchase more bookcases and it’s starting to feel like home. The living room is a wonderful big space with lots of light, the kitchen is way bigger than my simple needs but allows me to eat at a table every night and the location is wonderful. But, there is one thing missing.

No, not the cat.

An internet connection!

It’s getting installed at the end of the month and whilst I have missed it I’ve gotten by quite well using my iPhone, although it’s fair to say any ‘smartphone’ would’ve done and it’s definitely saved my arse several times this past week as I’ve been organising new direct debits, checking addresses and names, not to mention the myriad of phone numbers I’ve had to contact.

I have gotten so used to having a permanent connection to the web that I’m still finding myself thinking “I’ll just check…” or “I’m bored I’ll see what’s online…” or any other of the many and plentiful (and usually pointless but entertaining) reasons for using the internet that it still catches me out. Suffice to say that, when you include the fact that for the best part of the first week I didn’t have any more than the five terrestial channels, the whole thing has been a bit of a culture shock.

It’s not like I didn’t have anything to do mind you, those boxes didn’t unpack themselves (and I won’t even START on the fiasco that actually selling the house has turned into… I’ll save that for another time), but did mean that my entertainment was largely confined to listening to some music, reading a book, watching a DVD or firing up the PlayStation.

Or tidying and cleaning and unpacking and building furniture and shuffling the last possessions between the house and the flat and far too many trips to charity shops and the local dump and lawyers offices and so on.

All in all it’s been an odd and jarring experience to have my access to the internet, and all the TV channels that I used to get on Sky, removed so abruptly.

Jarring but also quite liberating.

I’ve found myself much more productive without all of those distractions. I’ve hardly read any books yet as they are still packed in boxes, and I find gaming wears on me after a while, most terrestial TV is complete dross and so I either commit to watching a movie or spend 30 mins sorting through a box, or shuffling items between rooms. That 30 mins soon stretches to an hour or two and before I know it I’ve finished unpacking the kitchen.

I built my new desk and got my PC up and running and, despite having a fair amount of video content on there I found myself more inclined to pop some music on and do some writing (most of it complete tosh but I still enjoy the process).

All in all I’ve quite enjoyed that lo-tech week.

I’ve got freeview now, and a nice wee PVR system which uses the PlayStation (Play TV if you are interested), so at least I can record shows I want to see which should open up the TV a bit more, but I’m hoping that I’ll hold true to my plans and stick with a more considered approach. I’ll always be busy, it’s in my nature, but I’m hoping to keep the focus I’ve developed over the past week.

Mind you, I am looking forward to spending a weekend on the sofa soon. Yes. All weekend. Nothing but me, some movies and several boxes of Jaffa cakes.

The last weekend

Friday, October 8, 2010 ~ 4 comments so far

Sunday night will be the last night I spend in the house in Hamilton (trying to get out of the habit of calling it ‘home’). Removal van arrives on Monday morning and, by the afternoon, everything will have been moved into my new home.

So, barring a final visit to give it a quick clean at some point during next week, from Monday I’m officially moved.

Now we just need to finalising the paperwork for the sale of the house and we are done.

It’s still a bit weird at times, and as I’m spending most of my time either working, or making sure I’ve not forgotten to pack something, or complete a form, or make a phone call, I’m bloody knackered and a bit prone to mood swings. So I veer from being hugely tigger-bounce-excited about getting my own place, which I love and will bore you all with photos of at some point, to being a bit maudlin about missing the cat and generally the habits and patterns which we had.

It’s still unsettling for a lot of our friends, and family, that Louise and I are still on good terms and will remain friends, even if we fall out of contact with each other, but I just don’t know how we’d have gotten through the last six months if we’d fallen out and been fighting and horrid and nasty to each other.

The next post on this blog will be from my new home, but that’s dependant on when my broadband installation happens so, until then, be good, and if you can’t be good, be careful!