Small differences

Saturday, September 5, 2009 ~ 1 comment so far

Tomorrow morning I’ll be at Glasgow Green to cheer on Louise’s cousin Sharon as she completes the 10K that is organised as part of the Great Scottish Run.

I don’t care how heavy the rain is, nor how hard the wind may blow because I owe her a few cheers.

Roll back the clock to June 2007 and having hauled myself round 9K of the 10K course I enter the final kilometre, I’m going slower than I had hoped and I’m a bit disheartened, yet determined to finish. That last kilometre was dominated by those two thoughts, disappointment and determination.

For those of you who haven’t gone jogging, it’s a very good way to focus the mind, I used to do some of my best thinking when I was out for a run.

I remember glancing at my watch just as it ticked over the hour mark, and another huge surge of disappointment washes over me. I’d hoped to finish in under an hour (I know now that I underestimated the effect of the large hill at the start of the race) but that was gone now. Then the 500m marker rolled into view and I realised that, if nothing else, I was gonna finish it!

The last 100m or so and, like everyone else, the adrenalin kicked in, I picked up the pace and tried to fight off that nagging feeling of disappointment. Then, as I turned the final corner and the finishing line was ahead of me I suddenly heard my name being shouted.

I glanced up to see Sharon and her sister AnnMarie, hanging over the balcony and cheering me on and suddenly all those nagging feelings disappeared. No matter what the time was, or the position I came in the race, I felt like a million bucks. I was a winner! People were cheering my name!

So, tomorrow I get to pay her back. I’m preparing to shout myself hoarse.

And I did run

Thursday, October 2, 2008 ~ 4 comments so far

Last night, after a gloriously sunny day, the clouds rolled in and the heavens opened.

Why does that phrase always making me think that God is peeing on us (or all of the angels? I dunno…)?

Anyway, the rain raineth on the just, which is apt as I only just made it in time to start the first jogScotland session, splish-splashing my way across the car park to catch up with the group as they made their way out into Strathclyde Park.

Thankfully I asked which group it was before they headed off as it was the wrong group (who were setting out for a 30 min jog, my group was doing 15 mins! Hey, I’m easing myself back in..).

A few minutes later I happened across the correct group and off we set, already bedraggled and soaked, into the gloom of the evening.

It was great!

I’ve got physio tomorrow morning, mainly to see how my knee is holding up but aside from a slight dull ache it’s fine. Yay! I’m already aiming, provisionally, for the 5K in December. Fingers crossed!

Knee-ly there

Thursday, August 7, 2008 ~ 4 comments so far

(I do love me a craptastic punific title!!)

I was at the physio yesterday and, bar a spot of confusion over the eccentric loading exercises I’d been given previously*, it went well. It’s the small things that matter you see, and the fact that the physio was able to prod and press on that tender spot under my left kneecap WITHOUT ME WANTING TO PUNCH HER IN THE FACE WITH A BRICK was, I believe, a very good thing. Progress indeed.

After a course of ultrasound on my knee the physio gave me some new exercises (raised-heel weighted squats, some lunges and more flexibility focussed work) and an entire week within which to make some progress. I’ll need to go for a couple of brisk walks at some point as well to see how well the knee holds up to that kind of exercise.

All in all it’s good progress, with the hint that I may be able to start jogging again, lightly, in the near future. It will be difficult to get back into the routine I’m sure, and I do need to shift some weight ASAP before that, but I have the advantage of knowing that I can start from scratch and work my way up.

I will go back to jogScotland without a doubt. The way they structure their programs lends itself to rehabilitation of an injury, so I’ll likely slot into one of the beginner groups and just take it easy. We’ll see how it goes I guess.

So, on a gloomy rainy grey day I have a glimmer of light, and it just goes to show what can be achieved when you actually listen to the experts and stick to the training programme they have given you (yeah yeah, shut up).

* Eccentric loading is, as it sounds, a way of exercising an injured area without adding undue stress. One of the exercises I was given involved a simple squat, you lower yourself into the squat then lift the injured leg off the floor before raising yourself up out of the squat with your good leg. The physio yesterday questioned it, as did I as you aren’t actually working the injured leg (but that’s the point!), and there was a small moment where I wondered if I’d spent a month doing the wrong exercises!! Thankfully, I hadn’t.

I miss the plod plod plod

Sunday, June 8, 2008 ~ 7 comments so far

You know when, during a conversation with someone, something they say just clicks and seems so obvious that you wonder why on earth you hadn’t realised it until now? I had such a moment recently and the clarity of what was said was quite startling.

I’m mourning my ability to run.

It’s quite a simple sentence and, without wanting to belittle anyone who is mourning the loss of a loved one, quite a powerful statement. Powerful enough to make me request a physio appointment to try and get my knee sorted (any ability to exercise it would be good), powerful enough to make me decide that I should be doing some base exercises to improve my flexibility and strength, powerful enough to get me thinking about my diet and hopefully to make some proper inroads into weight loss.

The constant nagging reminders bounce past me on pavements, lithe and flowing like I never did despite picturing myself that way. Toned and controlled muscles in perfect motion I was not, but I miss the high, the achievement of a run in wild weather when sensible people are tucked up at home, the thrill of distance and speed, the banter and chat, the shared goals and breathless pain. I miss having that constant nag telling me to get to bed earlier, eat right, watch my posture, drink plenty of water, the little voice in my head that for once had a real chance of being heard, the angel in running shoes.

I miss being god of the morning, I miss it all.

But this isn’t a sad post, nor a plea for encouragement or help. Instead it is a public acknowledgement that I’m trying, that I’m doing what I can. I’m shouting into the void, the full fury of pent up frustration unleashed, leaving my desire quietened if not sated. It is a not a gushing, out-pouring of angst (honest, it’s not), but a quiet realisation that things change, as they always have, and that getting on with getting on is about all that can be done.

Vastus Lateralis

Tuesday, October 23, 2007 ~ 3 comments so far

I have a weak vastus lateralis and a sore knee!

The physio lady was very nice, chatty, friendly and didn’t have cold hands at all. She was a complete bitch.

After some questions about how I got the injury and some gentle prodding and pushing of the area around my knee, she asked me to pull my toes back, tense the muscles in my leg, and lift it up off the bed. Standing to one side, she put one arm under my leg, just behind my knee, and told me to try and stop my leg from bending whilst she pushed down on the lower half of my leg.

After punching her repeatedly in the face she finally stopped.

Actually it wasn’t that bad, but my knee is noticeably sore, although she did warn me about that. During the initial questions I remarked that the pain was around a 3 or 4, but about 8 when the doctor pushed the sore bit. When I commented that, of course, that was what doctors do and she looked up from the chart she was scribbling on to warn me that “ohhh Physios are much worse”.

So, it turns out that because the muscle on the inside of my left knee isn’t as strong as it should be, then running has been ‘pushing’ my kneecap to and fro, which has caused the inflammation (the sore bit) and a little scar tissue under the kneecap. Strengthening the knee around that area should stop this from happening, so I have a couple of exercises to do until my next appointment.

Which is about what I expected, the exercises that is, not the weak muscle thing. That I can probably trace back to damaging my knee during a hike many many moons ago, and which still causes me to walk a little funny, which in turn is probably more pronounced when I run. It’s obvious when you think about it…

So, exercises from the physio will be added to the “soon to be started” regime of general core strengthening stuff, and possibly even a little pilates or somesuch. I won’t be going running any time soon, but when I do I want to be lighter, stronger and more flexible.

And I figure if I say it on here, then at the very least there will be an element of public shame if I don’t stick to said regime.

Now, pass the doughnuts. What? The diet starts TOMORROW…

The Long Run

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 ~ 4 comments so far

It’s like something is constantly, gently, clawing at the inside of my forehead. My concentration is shot, and I flit between things I need to get done and other tasks and diversions. Unimportant yet easier to handle in my current state of mind. Diverted, distracted, stressed and unable to gain a moment of calm. Sleep arrives, quickly followed by the alarm, another day spent tired and worn out. Maybe I need a holiday?

Stepping out into the morning air, the dew clinging to the chill on the breeze my brain is already going, rolling along through the checklist for the day. Phone her, start this, talk to him, finish that, all tumbling together regardless of priority, without due care as to why they are present, scrabbling for attention, for verification, clamouring to be noticed above the noise.

As I ease the car from the driveway, the damp air pools down the windows, the blades wiping the glass clean. My brain clutter continues.

Pulling out into the road, navigating potholes, the car speeds up as I force my attention forward and away from the rambling chaos that jumbles my view. I press on, and push down into the depths of my mind, searching once more for that notion, that precious thing that helps me focus, that has kept me on track for a while now. Once shiny and new, an unexpected visitor, it now lies dormant, run over and road dirtied. I swerve to avoid a carcass, briefly wondering if I am suffering the same, and immediately unsure of which I mean. Runover or swerving? Both?

The sun flashes behind me, peeking over hills and through treetops, blinding and guiding me as the road winds on. Winding through fields, crows peck at the threads of my mind and scatter, pulling them away, swooping and wheeling, dark and featureless.

I grasp at moments hoping they will stick and help me through, clinging to shards of hope until the road jars them from my grasp. The fall and shatter and on I search.

The journey settles down, familiar and routine and my thoughts drift, quieting my attention, but only for a while. They always return and as I approach my destination, so the fog descends, blocking my view, hiding the hidden notion, obscuring the corners and recesses of thought. As I slow to take a corner, a rabbit, startled, takes off in a graceful fit of speed. Running hard, bounding, turning and twisting, it runs free.

And my answer is found.

You see I’ve been feeling, I dunno, not stressed really, more distracted and a little jittery recently. Nothing major, and it only really hits home when I sit down to try and get through some work (in the office or at home). It’s only really come on a few weeks ago and it’s taken me until now to figure out what has caused it.

I’m off to see the Doctor on Friday to see what he says but it’s almost a relief to realise that I’m not going mad, I’m not descending into any deep dark places. I just miss running.

I’m guessing at Patellar Tendinitis, but I’ll let the Doc decide…

Vitamin injuries

Tuesday, August 14, 2007 ~ 7 comments so far

In an effort to try and be a little more healthy, and being aware that, despite my best efforts I just don’t eat enough ‘green’ stuff, I’ve started taking multi-vitamins. One a day, it says, for 100% RDA of… well lots of things which are all good for you. That’s what it says on the tub, Asda own brand, do you know how expensive these things are? I’m not made of money you know, need to keep some cash aside for the gardener.

So I’m watching what I eat, taking multi-vitamins, drinking plenty of water and trying to cut down on the caffeine intake. In saying that, my caffeine intake isn’t really that high, not when you compare it with some of the numpties out there. Ohh “numpties” is a great word, isn’t it, and is currently being used in an advert for car insurance.

Where was I?

Ahh yes, with a 5K this Sunday and two more 10Ks to come in before the end of October, I’m trying to lose a little more weight and be a little more healthy. My body is a temple and all that, although currently it feels like I’m carrying a big barrel of water in front of me whilst I run, a bit too flibbedy-flobbedy for my liking. Not so much a temple but an imitation of buddha perhaps. I’ve been plodding on as best I can but have had to stop.

I’m injured. I’m trying not to add 2 and 2 to make 7 but it DOES coincide with when I started taking the multi-vitamins…

Now being injured is not a new experience for me, be it a broken foot, torn ankle ligaments, dodgy back, etc etc. There has rarely been a year gone past without me ending up crocked or, at worst, in plaster. Well there HAD rarely been a year gone past until last year. I started this jogging thing in July 2006 and 366 days later (ok, maybe not exactly).. well you can guess what happened. A twinge on the outside of my left knee got worse and worse and forced me to stop (Lateral Collateral Ligament I think).

That was last Wednesday and I rested up until last night figuring that would be long enough.

I was wrong.

All of 15 mins into a very gentle jog and I had to phone Louise to come and pick me up. Ohh the humiliation.

So don’t mind me, I’m a little down and hacked off as, previously, any time I’ve tried to “get into exercise” this is the point where I lose interest and give up.

But I’m determined that won’t happen again, not this time. No way. Not now. Not after all that bloody work, not after all the runs in the teeming rain, the cold winter evenings running through snow and ice, the balmy summer evenings that leave me drained and exhausted.

But most of all I’m not giving up because I want to relive the few highs I achieved, those moments when I forget I was running and the world woke up before me, those moments when I felt so alive, so basic and raw. No, I’m not giving that up.

No way.