I don’t care how heavy the rain is, nor how hard the wind may blow because I owe her a few cheers.

Roll back the clock to June 2007 and having hauled myself round 9K of the 10K course I enter the final kilometre, I’m going slower than I had hoped and I’m a bit disheartened, yet determined to finish. That last kilometre was dominated by those two thoughts, disappointment and determination.

For those of you who haven’t gone jogging, it’s a very good way to focus the mind, I used to do some of my best thinking when I was out for a run.

I remember glancing at my watch just as it ticked over the hour mark, and another huge surge of disappointment washes over me. I’d hoped to finish in under an hour (I know now that I underestimated the effect of the large hill at the start of the race) but that was gone now. Then the 500m marker rolled into view and I realised that, if nothing else, I was gonna finish it!

The last 100m or so and, like everyone else, the adrenalin kicked in, I picked up the pace and tried to fight off that nagging feeling of disappointment. Then, as I turned the final corner and the finishing line was ahead of me I suddenly heard my name being shouted.

I glanced up to see Sharon and her sister AnnMarie, hanging over the balcony and cheering me on and suddenly all those nagging feelings disappeared. No matter what the time was, or the position I came in the race, I felt like a million bucks. I was a winner! People were cheering my name!

So, tomorrow I get to pay her back. I’m preparing to shout myself hoarse.

Why does that phrase always making me think that God is peeing on us (or all of the angels? I dunno…)?

Anyway, the rain raineth on the just, which is apt as I only just made it in time to start the first jogScotland session, splish-splashing my way across the car park to catch up with the group as they made their way out into Strathclyde Park.

Thankfully I asked which group it was before they headed off as it was the wrong group (who were setting out for a 30 min jog, my group was doing 15 mins! Hey, I’m easing myself back in..).

A few minutes later I happened across the correct group and off we set, already bedraggled and soaked, into the gloom of the evening.

It was great!

I’ve got physio tomorrow morning, mainly to see how my knee is holding up but aside from a slight dull ache it’s fine. Yay! I’m already aiming, provisionally, for the 5K in December. Fingers crossed!

I was at the physio yesterday and, bar a spot of confusion over the eccentric loading exercises I’d been given previously*, it went well. It’s the small things that matter you see, and the fact that the physio was able to prod and press on that tender spot under my left kneecap WITHOUT ME WANTING TO PUNCH HER IN THE FACE WITH A BRICK was, I believe, a very good thing. Progress indeed.

After a course of ultrasound on my knee the physio gave me some new exercises (raised-heel weighted squats, some lunges and more flexibility focussed work) and an entire week within which to make some progress. I’ll need to go for a couple of brisk walks at some point as well to see how well the knee holds up to that kind of exercise.

All in all it’s good progress, with the hint that I may be able to start jogging again, lightly, in the near future. It will be difficult to get back into the routine I’m sure, and I do need to shift some weight ASAP before that, but I have the advantage of knowing that I can start from scratch and work my way up.

I will go back to jogScotland without a doubt. The way they structure their programs lends itself to rehabilitation of an injury, so I’ll likely slot into one of the beginner groups and just take it easy. We’ll see how it goes I guess.

So, on a gloomy rainy grey day I have a glimmer of light, and it just goes to show what can be achieved when you actually listen to the experts and stick to the training programme they have given you (yeah yeah, shut up).

* Eccentric loading is, as it sounds, a way of exercising an injured area without adding undue stress. One of the exercises I was given involved a simple squat, you lower yourself into the squat then lift the injured leg off the floor before raising yourself up out of the squat with your good leg. The physio yesterday questioned it, as did I as you aren’t actually working the injured leg (but that’s the point!), and there was a small moment where I wondered if I’d spent a month doing the wrong exercises!! Thankfully, I hadn’t.

I’m mourning my ability to run.

It’s quite a simple sentence and, without wanting to belittle anyone who is mourning the loss of a loved one, quite a powerful statement. Powerful enough to make me request a physio appointment to try and get my knee sorted (any ability to exercise it would be good), powerful enough to make me decide that I should be doing some base exercises to improve my flexibility and strength, powerful enough to get me thinking about my diet and hopefully to make some proper inroads into weight loss.

The constant nagging reminders bounce past me on pavements, lithe and flowing like I never did despite picturing myself that way. Toned and controlled muscles in perfect motion I was not, but I miss the high, the achievement of a run in wild weather when sensible people are tucked up at home, the thrill of distance and speed, the banter and chat, the shared goals and breathless pain. I miss having that constant nag telling me to get to bed earlier, eat right, watch my posture, drink plenty of water, the little voice in my head that for once had a real chance of being heard, the angel in running shoes.

I miss being god of the morning, I miss it all.

But this isn’t a sad post, nor a plea for encouragement or help. Instead it is a public acknowledgement that I’m trying, that I’m doing what I can. I’m shouting into the void, the full fury of pent up frustration unleashed, leaving my desire quietened if not sated. It is a not a gushing, out-pouring of angst (honest, it’s not), but a quiet realisation that things change, as they always have, and that getting on with getting on is about all that can be done.

The physio lady was very nice, chatty, friendly and didn’t have cold hands at all. She was a complete bitch.

After some questions about how I got the injury and some gentle prodding and pushing of the area around my knee, she asked me to pull my toes back, tense the muscles in my leg, and lift it up off the bed. Standing to one side, she put one arm under my leg, just behind my knee, and told me to try and stop my leg from bending whilst she pushed down on the lower half of my leg.

After punching her repeatedly in the face she finally stopped.

Actually it wasn’t that bad, but my knee is noticeably sore, although she did warn me about that. During the initial questions I remarked that the pain was around a 3 or 4, but about 8 when the doctor pushed the sore bit. When I commented that, of course, that was what doctors do and she looked up from the chart she was scribbling on to warn me that “ohhh Physios are much worse”.

So, it turns out that because the muscle on the inside of my left knee isn’t as strong as it should be, then running has been ‘pushing’ my kneecap to and fro, which has caused the inflammation (the sore bit) and a little scar tissue under the kneecap. Strengthening the knee around that area should stop this from happening, so I have a couple of exercises to do until my next appointment.

Which is about what I expected, the exercises that is, not the weak muscle thing. That I can probably trace back to damaging my knee during a hike many many moons ago, and which still causes me to walk a little funny, which in turn is probably more pronounced when I run. It’s obvious when you think about it…

So, exercises from the physio will be added to the “soon to be started” regime of general core strengthening stuff, and possibly even a little pilates or somesuch. I won’t be going running any time soon, but when I do I want to be lighter, stronger and more flexible.

And I figure if I say it on here, then at the very least there will be an element of public shame if I don’t stick to said regime.

Now, pass the doughnuts. What? The diet starts TOMORROW…